


Family Issues

by chocolafied, LunaTheLoneWolf



Series: Crack Creed [7]
Category: Assassin's Creed
Genre: F/M, Gen, Having to deal with his father's shit and all, Haytham is a pervert, Inspired by Real Events, Parody, Poor Connor, This one is mostly true
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-09
Updated: 2014-09-09
Packaged: 2018-02-16 17:06:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2277822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chocolafied/pseuds/chocolafied, https://archiveofourown.org/users/LunaTheLoneWolf/pseuds/LunaTheLoneWolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ezio and Yusuf meet Haytham and Connor.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Family Issues

**Author's Note:**

> Ezio posts the story but then is too lazy to write notes. -_-;  
> Anyways, this is based off of how we actually met our Haytham and Connor. No, our Haytham isn't this perverted but he was trying to get Connor a girlfriend... especially tried to hook me and him up... -_____________-;

**Characters in this story:**

* * *

 

Ezio raised an eyebrow at the Turk as the pair entered the small coffee shop. “Remind me again why you dragged me here?” The Italian scanned the room, noting the brick walls, small tables, and the quiet atmosphere the customers seemed to radiate with. This ought to be interesting.

 

“It’s a nice place that is more fun to hang around with a friend,” Yusuf answered with a shrug. “Plus, they have some good tea,” the Turk paused and looked at her Italian friend. Seeing she wasn’t _too_ interested with her lower lip over her teeth and the bitter look in her eye, she pulled out her winning card. “They also sell chocolate…”

 

“YUSUFSAYWHA-!” And Ezio was off towards the merchant running the place like a racehorse, and then the younger brunette then found herself being dragged up to the counter. _Figures_.

  
            The Italian reached into her pocket with her free hand and slammed a large pouch of coins onto the counter, making the merchant woman nearly jump back from the noise alone, and she almost wished she had when Ezio’s eyes started to get that crazy shine in them. “CHOCOLATE. ALL OF IT. _NOW_.” Everyone in the coffee shop was staring at the Italian assassin and her bomb-freak buddy at that moment.

 

The woman moved shakily behind the counter, reaching down and then standing up several times as she placed large box after box onto the counter. Yusuf couldn’t help but watch the woman with sympathy as she ran into the back of the store crying while Ezio skipped over to the nearest vacant table and began inhaling her newly purchased chocolate.

 

Meanwhile back at the counter, the Turkish assassin was sighing irritably as she dusted herself off. _Should have said **nothing**_ , was her only thought as she blankly stared at the chocoholic. Then, turning towards the merchant that _wasn’t_ crying their eyes out, she pulled out her own money purse. “I’ll take a small Pa Mu Tan, please.”

 

As the man got her drink (slowly too, as he was taking glances at the chocolate monster), Yusuf put a generous, well deserved tip in the girl’s tip jar. She shook her head once more. “That poor woman…”

 

“And I’m telling you that you can go jump into a sewer!”

 

“Goddammit, Connor! Just ask a girl out! Lord knows you need it!”

 

Yusuf turned towards the source of the commotion, seeing two men arguing in front of the store’s large glass window right by the entrance. The one wearing the hood was slowing reaching for his axe attached at his side while the one wearing the tricorn hat was simply smirking while wiggling his eyebrows. She took a sip of her tea unphased as their tif continued.

 

“Think about it, Connor! Sex! Love! You not being attached to my _HIP!_ ”

 

“Haytham! _Shut up!_ ” Connor spat through gritted teeth as the axe was now in his hand and the man started shaking the weapon violently.

 

“Easy, _Son!_ I’m just trying to prove a point,” the “father” raised his hands in defense while taking a step or two back from his clearly angered “son”.

 

Ezio walked up to Yusuf’s side and jabbed her (chocolate covered) thumb in their direction while smothering her mouth with chocolate with her other hand. “Who‘re _those_ two morons?” The Italian raised an eyebrow, glanced at the Turkish assassin, and then turned her attention back to the developing show that could probably make Cesare and his less than graceful falls from various heights look pathetic compared to these two.

 

At this time, the still sane merchant behind the coffee shop counter was evacuating the _normal_ customers through the back exit in case all Hell broke loose, which it most likely would. The insurance company was going to _love_ this.

 

“You think we should stop them?” the taller one asked looking at the customers walking out in a nearly orderly line. This must have happened a lot if they were _this_ good at clearing out and high tailing it.

 

The other assassin was already heading back to her table. “Do what you want. As long as it doesn’t interfere with me and my chocolate, we’ll _all_ live to see another day.” 

 

Yusuf rolled her eyes at her partner-in-crime and started for the front door.The disturbingly innocent tone of voice Ezio had surprisingly no longer affected the Turk. “Fine, fine; don’t die of OESC,” she threw over her shoulder.

 

“I told you I don’t want you renting me a whore!” Connor started flailing his axe with more force behind it.

 

“But Son! They’re cheap this time of year! Especially with the Plague and everything!”

 

The coffee shop door flew open.

 

            “WILL THE BOTH OF YOU _STOP?!_ ”

 

            Connor paused, blinking at the Turk before speaking up with a timid voice, “Uh, I’m the only one here…”

 

            Yusuf frowned and turned her head in either direction down the street before looking back at the hooded man. “Where’s your father, then?”

 

            The door began to swing back and the pair both turned to see a Haytham-shaped impression in the brick wall, as well as the man now wearing broken glasses, and having a few teeth missing as stars fluttered about his head. “H-Here…” And then he fell to the ground with a great force, making the earthquake for a moment.

 

            Yusuf pursed her lips and laughed nervously. “Oops?”

 

            From inside the shop, Ezio “tsked” many times and shook her head as she shoved more chocolate into her mouth. The Turkish assassin glared over her shoulder before turning her attention back to Connor, who was reluctantly helping his father off of the ground.

 

            Haytham looked up to see Ezio coming out of the shop, face and hands covered in chocolate in which she was trying to wipe/lick away with a handkerchief. “Yusuf, you almost done?” 

 

            The brunette looked at him, than his son, then back at him, and then nearly dropped her jaw when she saw the symbol on his son’s belt. She tugged on the Turk’s arm like a little child on a chocolate high ( ** _again_** ) as she pointed and gawked at Connor. “Yusuf. Yusuf. Yusuf. Yusuf. Yusuf. Yusuf. Yusu-”

 

            “ _WHAT?!_ ”

 

            “He’s an assassin.”

 

            Yusuf froze and looked over Connor again, and sure enough the shining Assassin’s symbol was on his belt.

 

            “Well, shit.”

* * *

 

                  Later on that day, (after hours of conversation on the bomb-freak’s, awkward native’s and, surprise, _another_ ex-Templar’s side and much needed sobering up on the chocoholic's) Ezio and Yusuf dragged the two men back to the base, introduced them to the rest of the crew, and then locked them in one of the bedrooms upstairs. Not five seconds later, they were fighting _again_.

 

            “Haytham, you are _not_ buying me a sexdoll!”

 

            “But, Son, they look and feel real, and they’re _Japanese_! Everybody knows that the Japanese make the best sex toys!”

 

            “They look like little girls!”

 

            “Same difference!”

            “No, there is a _BIG_ difference between a girl and a full grown woman. One of them involves **JAIL**!”

 

“Oh, for God’s sake, Connor, just get **_laid_** already, will you? I think that Turk was checking you out before! What was her name…Tusuv? Yusooove...?”

 

“ ** _HAYTHAM!_** ”

 

At this point, “Yusooove” was hitting her head on the wall, contemplating how much trouble she would get in for killing the new Brit.

 

They were going to fit in _just_ fine, it seemed.

**Author's Note:**

> Haytham: Oh my god you two...
> 
> Yusuf: Hey, if it makes you feel any better, Ezio was the one who came up with it. :D
> 
> Ezio: Wow, thanks for throwing me under the bus "friend." -_-
> 
> Yusuf: No problem! Anyways, Feedback is cool and flames will be used for my wood burning project. :D:D


End file.
